ive been observing my mind, and it only wants one thing and it's disgusting.

it wants to solve problems. it starves for a problem so bad, every second, every moment, everything for it is just a problem. it doesn't even care about the problem, from getting as much sleep or winning a video game, to making money or making people like me.

people like to label their moments based on the importance of the problem. from "wasted times" to "productive". what i couldn't understand before was my brain is doing the same in both cases. even when i was on instagram swiping reels, my brain was trying its best to find the funniest reel.

have you ever thought of the past, and found yourself redoing the same scenario in your head over and over again? well, your mind hates the moment it failed to solve a problem. it's against your ego. do you see it now? all your mind wants is to solve the problem. even if it's not in reality. even if it doesn't have any benefit for you.

you could be a problem for it too. the moment you decide to go to the gym every day at 5 am, it finds a new problem. "how could i get more sleep" it thinks. and it does its best to defeat you.

don't get me wrong, it's not against you, it just doesn't care about you as long as it has a problem to solve.

and does it look only for "exciting" problems? i used to think it's an optimized machine of finding the easiest thing to do to get the highest prize. atleast this is the first observation you could have out of your "wasted times". but there are times i cannot explain why it picked a problem. like when it runs away from doing the task that takes 20 minutes for days and puts itself in pain for days. like i understand resting is easier for it, but putting the time and finishing the task and resting seems like the best decision. why does it fail to do so? is this million year old machine not smart enough?

if you haven't noticed yet, it simply doesn't care about the problem. it just wants a problem to solve so fucking bad. it starves for it so bad that when you don't have any problems, it creates one. it's just so bad at picking the correct problem.

do you get it now? feed it a problem. doesn't matter if it's becoming the best or wasting your time. it solves it for you.

in fact, your ego likes hard problems. what are you doing? why you are not feeding it what it likes?

imagine you are in a war, would you let your mind sleep? or do you want to kill every enemy you see?

find hard problems your ego likes. at every moment, ask yourself what is the problem your mind is trying to solve. don't let it pick the problems. feed the problems to it. and it finally listens to you.