im losing so bad. the emotions are here, they are stronger than i thought.

i dont hate losing, but the hope is fading.

it's not that im not making it. it's opposite, i thought if the plan goes well, i win.

the plan did go very well, better than i predicated. i won and won. sometimes i ask myself maybe i didnt win enough.

but i didnt expected this feeling. i have to keep myself acting, laughing when im with my friends. it's not a cry for help, im just writing for the future sina.

2026/ 05 / 26, toronto trip